This is the first in an occasional series of posts entitled “5 Minute Wonders” about wonderful songs which are exactly 5 minutes long (discounting any extra crap on the video versions).

I suppose I should begin this instalment with some full and frank disclosure. I genuinely cannot imnagine a time when I will not be entirely behind Radiohead and what they do. I can see the arguments against; the slightly look-at-us, we’re so innovative and crazy! aspects of the marketing, the anti-sloganeering politics handily encapsulated in neat, handy phrases (nothing like slogans at al-oh). But I do not accept them. I cannot think of another vand that has shown as much commitment to producing intelligent, reasoned yet beautiful and widely-accessible music in the modern era.

Lotus Flower is a prime example of this and shows why I will never really understand those that claim Radiohead abandoned the life-affirming melodies of The Bends and OK Computer to make wilfully obscure, perversely tuneless electronica. Well, ok, you can have Treefingers, I suppose. But, put simply, Lotus Flower is a TUNE. A fantastic, snaking bassline moors the creepy percussion and background bleeps and twitches. And Thom Yorke and his tender, aching vocals (perfectly summed up by PJ Harvey’s comment “it can break your heart, that voice”), laid-back but also naggingly persistent. The song is a pulsing, relentless piece of Electronica bolstered by an incredible vocal delivering a mesmerising melody. Which includes a proper, falsetto chorus! And that’s all before you get to the bowler-hatted antics of the video, which probably merits a blog all of its very own:

In short, the fact that Radiohead essentially making a dubstep record was the least likely thing ever meant that they were always going to do it. And thank god for that.

Have a listen:

(This is 5:01, but it was 5:00 on my iPod, honest!)

So I haven’t blogged for a very long time. I’m currently sat on a train from Robertsbridge to London armed with an iPhone and a knitted waistcoat (something for everyone there, I feel). So it seemed like a good time to actually put my blogging fingers and brain where my large and self-aggrandising mouth is and justify the self-assumed term “writer” for once.

I couldn’t decide what to write about so thought I’d distract myself by flicking through my iPod. I then realised I could do both at once. This crazy world in which we live! Breaking us do-wn! Ahem, sorry.

So, my iPod is on random. I’ll write about each of the first five songs I hear as they comes on. No matter how done-before, cliched or embarrassing that might be. I don’t know how to add links whilst on the move, I may have to clean that up later (UPDATE – I have done this now. Hooray – I expect you’ve been dreadfully worried).

First up – “Like Swimming” by Foals.

I love Foals. I hugely admire the way that they manage to combine hugely detailed and complex musical arrangements (The layers! The layers!) with lyrics that do abstraction without in fact ending up being a distraction. As much as I like Everything Everything, they could learn a lot from this. The guitars on this shimmer and chime. There are no words to sully their sparkle. The more time goes on, the more I realise how much I like instrumental music. It’s so liberating to have a gap to fill with your own thoughts and perceptions. So I don’t know for sure why this is called “Like Swimming”. But for me, it’s probably something to do with the way the guitars glisten like water coloured by sunlight. The handclaps that punctuate it are the sounds of people hurling themselves in, full of spirit and wonder. Like Foals are. The song ends with the signal fading off and crackling into the distance and it’s perfect. And less than two minutes! Does more in 1 minute 58 seconds than many do in years.

Dear Me: A Letter to My Sixteen Year Old Self

“Dear Me: A Letter To My Sixteen Year Old Self” is a book where celebs etc write just this very thing.

I decided to have a bang at this myself, in spite of only being a celebrity at my local dry cleaners. So:

Dear VG

A Design For Life (yeah, you’ll never outgrow the Manics):

1. Yes, you are gay. This doesn’t matter anywhere near as much as you think it does. Try and tell your parents in person rather than spending ages being paranoid about mentioning it to anyone anywhere within a 50 mile radius; if they find out another way, the wounds will take years to heal. Even so, they will heal eventually.

2. Don’t try to deny this by nearly shagging that bloke. And no, you’re not pregnant, so don’t spend 6 weeks paralytic with worry that you are.

3. Speaking of parents, for god’s sake appreciate your mother. She is becoming increasingly exhausted and ill, to the point where you have no idea just how close you’ll get to losing her.

4. And speaking of girls – talk to them. That nice-looking arty ginger girl in the year above will never go out with you if she doesn’t even know who you are.

5. You will bag your A-Levels and get into UEA – which is the right choice, not Warwick. Your results are never in doubt – so stop getting ear infections and generally angsting!

6. Those multi-coloured tie-dyed patchwork dungarees make you look like A COMPLETE TIT. Especially when teamed with a lime green mac and a denim cowboy hat. People on the bus will laugh openly at you, with good reason. Just saying.

7. And Ocean Colour Scene are RUBBISH.

8. Yes, going to see The Strokes at the Brighton Pavillion IS a good idea, as your hunch that they are about to go massive is entirely correct.

9. Sadly, the same hunch about Lowgold is incorrect. You’ll still enjoy the gig though.

10. Never forget, true enemies are far better than false friends. People that knock your confidence do it for reasons that are completely unrelated to you.

11. You’ll always be old for your years. But people will start catching up with you soon and then you will be forever grateful you had all those years to get ready.

12. Nothing ever lasts forever. This is in some ways a really good thing.

13. Having said this, don’t worry – that Amiga 500 isn’t gone forever. In fact, one day it’ll be yours AND you will even have a spare room to put it in.

In summary – stop worrying, start dancing.

Much love

VG xxx

It begins.

Hullo hullo.

This is my latest attempt at blogging. As I appear to have left my previous blog to fend for itself (if I’d have ever owned a tamagotchi, it probably would have ended up in one of those NSPCC ads after two days), I’ll start afresh here and transfer some of my old posts over.

Anyway, as first posts go, this probably should have been more exciting. Oh well.

*fakes explosion*

VG